Reflections

Here I sit at an internet cafe in Bangkok, Thailand, killing time before I jump into an airplane, saying goodbye to Asia, possibly for good. This outreach in Thailand has been such a whirlwind. I have so many mixed emotions. I'll be honest and say that hard is the first word that comes to mind. This trip wasn't exactly an easy one for many different reasons. The ministry itself was difficult. Working in the Red Light District was exhausting. Thailand has a heavy air about it anyways because of the Budhism, but it is especially heavy in the RLD. The last night I was there I was able to go into a bar and see what was going on. My heart broke. Men my grandfather's age buying 2 girls at a time for the night. Men obnoxiously drunk and the girls catering to their every need. Girls praying to the mini Buddhist temple for many customers that night so that they could make a lot of money. It reeks of darkness and deception.
It has also just been hard for me personally. The weight of our ministry added to my own personal problems was a lot to bear simply because this wasn't a time for me to focus on me. But God is always teaching us something, and why not on an outreach whether I'm staff or not. Still owing outreach money has not been easy. It's always lurking in the back of your mind. I know God has a tendency to make you wait til the very last minute for some things, but I guess I forget that when it is actually me faced with the big problem. I have raised quite a bit of money, and I am so grateful for those that have deemed my cause worthy to be supported. I still like about $1,000. It has to be turned in in about a day, so that's a little nerve racking, but God has been teaching me to stop being negative and expect His provision. So, I will say that I know God is working in the hearts of those that He wishes to partner with me. I also feel as if the enemy has been trying to isolate me, making me feel very alone and that not many people care. I feel like this is a common occurence for those that are on the mission field. I am an external processor and the person I share everything with isn't with me, so I've kept everything bottled in. God has been good in giving me others that I can share some things with, easing the burden, and I am thankful for them. I was sick for about 10 days, so that really didn't help things at all. A few antibiotics later and I am good as new. I reached a point where I really felt everything was coming together and that God was giving me the strength and endurance to really embrace this outreach. After this, I received another blow. Someone came into the room where we were staying and stole my DSLR camera. What makes this so hard is that we were staying at a YWAM base, and I know that the person was Christian. Unfortunately, expensive material goods can be a temptation here because a lot of people come from poor families. I am absolutely devasted. My camera is my most prized possession. I'm not sure what good God will bring from this situation, but I have to believe that He will. I can only pray for this person, that they will be convicted and give it back. I was hoping it would happen before I left, but the clock is ticking.
Right now, I'm at a difficult point in my life, in the area of what God is teaching me. They are hard things, but I am grateful. I will be so much better off in the long run. If this is what it takes, then so be it. I have to be positive, I have to believe God is who He says He is, and that He will do what He says He will do. God is good despite our circumstances. Although the things I'm being ridden of are hard, God evens it out with the amazingness of the life I'm currently leading.
If you are reading this please say a prayer for me; for my finances, for me getting my camera back, that I will trust God in everything, and that I will perservere with courage as God strengthens my relationship with Him.