In the past, I have been the worst blogger ever. I just never could keep this thing going. BUT, I vow to change, mainly because of all the new things that are going to be happening in my life. Things worth putting into words for people to see. I actually wrote the following story for someone else about a week ago, but it in-depth explains these new beginnings I speak of, so I've posted it here, too. Enjoy!
I arrived here in Smithtown, NY almost 3 weeks ago. Literally, the only thing I knew was that they planned some Christian summer camps. Other than that, I was just playing it by ear, but honestly I don't mind that; I actually like surprises. When I arrived I found that there was plenty to do: a camp at a large Christian Korean church called Ban Suk, and many teams coming from college campuses all over the US that were to be led by us into NYC. I have been quite excited about this because I love being in ministry with other college-age people. I couldn't believe that I had stumbled upon the perfect ministry opportunities. The people here are wonderful as well. It usually takes me a little time to settle in with new people and a place, but I felt at home here almost instantly. I guess that it helped that my roommate and I are very much alike. We became fast friends, and it really feels like I've known her forever, not just 3 weeks. This is very rare for me, so I am extremely thankful for this relationship. These things alone would have made this summer a terrific experience, but God had more to give. As I was getting to know all the people here on base, I begin to hear things about their upcoming DTS. Everyone in the DTS will listen to the same teachers during lecture phase, but the students can pick a track that will determine their local outreaches during lecture phase and their international outreaches. 2 of the 3 tracks are Photography and Compassion. If you know me, you know that I've recently obtained a nice camera and am trying to learn more about photography. I guess you could say that it's my hobby of choice and newly found passion. When I heard about this track, I just thought "Oh that's fun"! It was a few days later that I found out about the Compassion track. The girl that's helping with this track is half-Cambodian and has a heart for girls that have been victims of sex-trafficking, which is huge in Cambodia. If there is one area of ministry that I want to spend a lot of time, it's with this one. At this point I became suspicious of what God was up to. Then, I found out that half of the photography students would go with the 3rd track and the other half with the Compassion track to Cambodia, to help document this awful situation that's going on there for the purpose of raising awareness! After finding all of this out, I couldn't help but to feel overwhelmingly excited deep down in my heart. Around this time, my Mom called to let me know that I had officially received my acceptance letter into the nursing program at the University of South Alabama. I wanted to feel excited over this, but my heart was feeling so conflicted. When you know that God is calling you to something that you aren't sure you want to be called to, this is a popular emotion. "God, how can you want me to put off nursing school for a year when I've been working so hard to get to this point in my education? How could you want me to wait another year when I'm already 24 with no college degree?" After I asked these questions over and over again, God began to show me some things. He impressed on me the importance of time. But not the same principles that most of us want to hear. Time for God and time for man is very different. We think we have everything figured out, but God is truly the only one who knows the exact timing for everything. He knows when we are going to get married, when we'll have kids, and even the minuscule things like the people we will pass on the street tomorrow. He also knows the right time for school, even if you are 24 and feeling like you've wasted a lot of your adult life. I was pretty sure that I knew what God was calling me to do, but I asked Him to confirm it in some way or another. I expressed the wish to hear confirmation from a stranger that knew nothing of my situation. That's never happened to me before, but I've heard about things like that, and I wanted to experience it too. At this same time, I just kept thinking about when I started contemplating nursing school. I wanted to go somewhere out of state, but I didn't want to waste that year having to gain in-state residency to avoid paying out-of-state tuition, which is double the price. But now, if God was calling me to spend a year here in NY, it would work out that I could start school here and be an in-state student. I decided that that probably wasn't the smartest idea because I would have to change everything over from Alabama to New York by the end of Aug. Not a lot of time! I kept this scenario in the back of my head, and just continued asking God for confirmation. I did not want to throw away a nursing school acceptance on a "feeling" that something was perfect for me. Last Friday, a couple from YWAM Romania came to share stories about the things God is doing in their city. This couple has spent almost 11 years there, and have seen their ministry grow drastically. At one point in his talk I swear he looked right at me and said, "It is so important to stay in one place for a long period of time. I encourage you to do this, so that you can really see a community transformed." When he said that, I knew God was talking to me. I knew that the season that I was in while at home had came to an end, but I hadn't really thought about what season would be next. I knew in that brief moment that God was telling me that it is time to put down roots. There's a story in the Bible where it says that God didn't come in the thunder, but in the gentle breeze. That's what I felt like at that moment. Just a brief statement, but one I knew that was directed straight at me. I've wanted to permanently move from my state for a long time, but because of mistakes I've made in the past, I haven't been able to do that. God is telling me that now is the time. There is a reason that I feel at home here. There is a reason that I connect so well with the people here. And there is a reason that I have felt a tug for NYC for most of my life. I used to think it was just a desire to see the big city, but God is showing me that it was Him the whole time. I know that this next season of spiritual growth is going to be one with a lot of new things happening to me. I know that this is a settling down period for me. I have never felt like this in my entire life. I have always known that I was going to leave every place that I've ever been, and I've never told anyone how hard that actually is. I have envied people who felt at home their whole lives. Now, for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm coming home. Not to a people because my family will always be "home", but to a place that is home. A place that I don't want to leave. I haven't been this happy in a long time, yet I am scared to death. There are moments in our lives when God has us stand on the side of a cliff and just jump. He asks us to do this because He wants the opportunity to show us that He can be trusted to catch us when we get to the bottom. I know that God is calling me to staff the September DTS here at YWAM NY, and I know that He is calling me to move here as well. I've never been so sure of something in my life. It makes me feel like I'm crazy, but I know it's right. This is the biggest jump that God has ever asked me to make, but I know that He's doing it only because He wants me to soar.
We have been doing weekly outreaches that I can't get enough of! Anything from prayer stations on the streets of NYC to helping serve food to the needy all over Long Island. My favorite part of DTS is outreach phase, and these local outreaches give me just a little taste of it until January. Watching my students step out in obedience to God and succeed is so powerful. They give me courage to continue stepping out of my comfort zone. God is all about making us uncomfortable because that's when we have to depend on Him.
A store there has a buy one get two free deal! I've been wanting a pair for quite a while, and Jenn and her mom had just been talking about buying some, so it was fate! I'm also really grateful for the time I was able to spend with my grandparents. It was hard to say goodbye, but I suppose goodbyes are never easy.
I also had the best cookie of my life! I'm not joking. Peanut butter with chocolate chips never tasted so good. I also saw the Capitol and the Washington Memorial. We had to make the last part of our trip that afternoon, so that's all that we were able to see. I can't wait to spend a significant amount of time in DC. By far one of my favorite places in the US. It just has a certain feel to it that I love.
From DC we decided to finish the roadtrip up and just head to NY. It was pretty uneventful except that I missed the Jersey Turnpike 3 times and then took the wrong exit out of the Lincoln Tunnel and wound up a block away from Time Square. It took us about 30 minutes to drive 500 ft. By this time it was already after 10 pm and I just wanted to be home. In retrospect I'm not upset about it, because now I know I'm perfectly capable of driving in NYC! We finally made it to Smithtown around midnight, and while the trip was fun, I was glad to get home and stop living out of my car.
The next 2 days were spent with another fellow DTS'er that was home on Long Island. All 3 of us were on outreach in Israel together, so we were pretty close, and it was great to be reunited.
I immediately began to chuckle. I've been asking God to speak specific verses into my mind, and at first I was actually quite frustrated with it. I couldn't get my mind to shut up long enough to hear Him, but I just kept telling myself that God is fully capable of speaking over my racing 90-to-nothing mind. A friend of mine (Yo Zack! :D ) prayed for me about this, and God told Him that I definitely would hear Him, but I just had to give it some time, basically. It was so subtle I didn't even realize it had happened! When I wasn't concentrating, when I wasn't expecting, it just happened!
Ban Suk is the name of a large Korean Methodist church here in Long Island. We at YWAM NY put on a summer camp for them at their church. There were inspiring teachings, Holy Spirit-filled worship sets, a Prayer Station outreach in the South Bronx, fun games complete with a slip-and-slide, and lots of delicious Korean food! I benefited so much from this week, but it wasn't an easy one to get through. We started out at about 6:30 every morning and ended around midnight or later. For those of you who know me, you know I love to sleep. It was hard for me to function around 60 kids with the amount of rest I was getting, but I survived by finding a quiet room every once in awhile to get a few zzzz's in. Honestly, kids aren't my forte, and I had to find my place at this camp. Younger kids I am pretty good with, but when you give me middle and high schoolers who roll their eyes and act like their momma forced them to be there...well, I get frustrated. By the end of the camp though, I had seen them start to step out and make a genuine effort to get closer to God. It was a great thing to be a part of. On the first day, these kids would barely speak to us. On the second night though, God dropped a bomb on the place during worship and these kids began to dance and sing and cry out to God! I've never seen anything like it really, especially within the Korean culture. That one night made all the frustration worth it, but God was not even done! It was like that every night after! I was able to step out into leadership like I've never experienced and pray for these kids during those times. In that, God was able to speak and show new things to me. It amazes me how God does not just bless the people you are trying to reach for Him; He turns it around and blesses you equally! 